By Joyann Jeffrey. "I have noticed in this work that people get caught up on thinking they can change their partner to be exactly what they want, that is going against nature and won't work," Katz said the best thing to do is worry about how you are feeling and what will make you happy not trying to change the other person. If you dont talk to each other about how youre feeling, nothing will get resolved. Thats why I had to write about this, both to help you lovely readersandto make myself a rough guide a roadmap so that this never, ever happens again. RELATED:3 Ways To Foster The Self-Awareness It Takes To Make A Relationship Successful. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? You might have grown accustomed to it out of necessity. When youre not happy in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to do to prevent your spouse from getting hurt. A good relationship can be hard to find. And hopefully, your partner will understand and accept that. And you cant figure it out alone. If your partner ever. Unresolved trauma can cause sabotaging behaviors subconsciously but putting in the work to heal won't make you immune to self-sabotaging. You might even live together, but if they are always in another room or doing something else without you, then that is not good. Learn how to let go of past with this video: Research published by the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that couples often experience greater happiness when they are spending time together. Not interested in a relationship, Dua says she counts herself lucky because there is no unnecessary drama in . According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, there are three elements that make up chemistry in your relationship: physical attraction, friendship, and intellectual stimulation. Maybe you are defining your happiness on the state of your relationship. If something in another part of your life left you feeling unhappy, wouldnt you do something about it? 7. They sweep conflict under the rug, Megan Lambert, a relationship and intimacy coach, previously told Elite Daily. If you dont mind doing what your partner asks of you, but they constantly refuse your requests, this isnt likely to change on their part. Temporary relief, like losing whole days to Netflix marathons, eating yourself out of house and home, drinking, and shopping is at least relief, however temporary it might be. In an ideal world, it would be. 7. When you ignore things like your desires and wants that are messy and take hard work, you can put your head in the sand. Better not even bother to sketch anything. Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, psychotherapist and relationship coach, Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist, founder of Relationup, Elizabeth Cobb, LCSW, lead therapist of Cobb Psychotherapy. Canceling plans on your significant other is not a deal breaker, things happen. Some people stay in relationships because they dont want to face the loneliness that single life brings, but sometimes loneliness is the key to other relationship issues. If you love this person and want to be happy in the relationship, you have to work on changing what makes you unhappy. Youre looking to hookup with someonewithout worrying about feelings. "In today's social media world, I think you can definitely take cues from their online activity," said Lori Salkin, the senior matchmaker at SawYouAtSinai.com and dating coach. [Read: How to fix a relationship thats falling apart and rebuild it again]. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. So, if thats you, dont worry. It could be leaving their socks on the living room floor, never helping with household chores, or just the way they chew their food. By continuing with faking happiness, not only will you feel miserable with your partner, but youll also feel unfulfilled by other areas of your life that used to bring you joy. fatigue or emotional exhaustion. "If you're noticing your partner has stopped making any effort to make plans, or have date nights, or just keep that romantic spark alive, they may be starting to lose interest in the relationship," Pompey explained. You need to figure that out to move forward. We respect your privacy and take protecting it seriously. 291K views, 184 likes, 19 loves, 139 comments, 48 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Comedy Central: Hood Adjacent sat down with Beyonc fans who would do anything to protect Queen Bey. As Elizabeth Cobb, LCSW the founder and lead therapist of Cobb Psychotherapy, tells Bustle, "If you're dating someone in medical school, with all the years of training and study ahead, they wont likely be ready to settle down for a while. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. There are several signs to look out for that may indicate you're experiencing manipulation in your relationship. This correlation illustrates how powerful this sense of connection can be and calls to question the role of guilt in surpassing a parent. [Read: How to tell your partner youre unhappy and 18 steps to do it without hurting them]. "Perhaps they arent as outgoing as you and you seek out others while they seek solace. RELATED:The Simple Psychology Test That Reveals How Well You Know Yourself. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. One of the biggest signs someone is pretending to be happy is avoiding communicating with their partner. RELATED:6 Things You Need To Do Now In Order To Find Yourself. If your partner has cheated or betrayed you in some way in the past and you cant let it go, you are probably pretending to be happy when youre not. But in reality, being unhappy with someone is unfair to you and whoever youre with. What if your spouse doesnt take the right exit on the freeway? Your partner should bring out the best in you and make you a better person. Does Taking a Break in a Relationship Work? Be sure you are putting yourself first. Why pretend to be happy when youre not? But Salkin said to feel out the situation. Are you relying on your partner to make you happy? But, how do you know when youre not happy in relationships? Plus, how to talk to your partner about it. Dr. Casandra Henriquez Love Coach, #1 Bestselling Author & Founder of the Real Love Network: I work with Professional Single Women on Self Love, Vetting Love, & Thriving in Love In fact, love at first sight probably doesn't actually exist. "If you're trying to talk to your boyfriend but he's on his phone or playing video games the entire time, he may be physically there, but he's not really present," Pompey told INSIDER. They need to be handled with patience and care for you to find happiness together or separately. Inform your partner that you are struggling and need some space. Take time to reflect. Unfortunately, our culture's pervasive message that a smaller body shape and size can make us happier, more attractive, and more confident causes many of us to romanticize the upsides of weight. It's not all matchmakers, blind dates, and love at first sight. [Read:10 signs you and your partner should go to counseling]. The signs of feeling lost in a relationship tend to creep up on us, making figuring out how to find yourself again all the more difficult. According to Salkin, these could be signs that they are unhappy with something. But let's face it, it's mentally exhausting trying to decode every text or dissect every conversation. A partner who's serious about being in a relationship with you will have no problem doing their part. "Being single helps me to be able to understand and appreciate my independence. Love yourself first. Losing yourself is like throwing your own oxygen mask out the window and then trying to share your partners mask. It makes it very hard to have a healthy relationship with this type of person. Do they belittle you, gaslight, or pull an attitude when theyre around other people? This can be a hard conversation to have, but if that is what you need to start being happy, you should do it. For example, you might feel like things just don't go your way and that you've been hard done by in this life! Sometimes we expect too much from the people who love us most. Rinse. One of the clear signs of being pressured in a relationship is when you still imagine being in love. No matter how serious your relationship is, it's always important for each partner to have their separate friends and life outside of the one they are building with the person they are dating. By Elizabeth Stone Updated on Mar 01, 2023. Dont accuse them of making you feel a certain way. [Read: Relationship break 41 rules to taking a break and how to plan for it]. Do some personal digging, meditate on what you want from life, or write down how you feel. You may love them as a person or a friend, but deep, romantic love will be missing from your repertoire. No matter why youre unhappy, nothing will change if you dont try to fix it. Were you happy at the beginning of the relationship? Dont dwell by yourself. Unfortunately, your ability to experience anger is probably bubbling there right below the surface at any time, ready to jump out and hurt someone in its path. But if you feel sexually deprived or pressured to have too much sex then that is not a good sign of a normal relationship. You worry. And honestly, he believes that they are pretty great kids. If your partner is open to discussing and compromising on some of these major decisions, then there is still potential for things to work out. Is It Normal to Lose Feelings in a Relationship? Carve out a few minutes of quality time on the weekend. Relationships involve caring for you, your partner, and the relationship itself. [Read:10 reasons why you feel relief after breaking up]. Theres a difference between settling down with someone and simply settling. In a mature relationship, both partners take accountability for their behaviors. Sometimes what you think you need is the exact opposite of what you think will make you happy. 2. "Its not necessary to have the same amount of all of these elements," Coleman says. Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. If you have little interest in your spouse but know exactly how to put on a perfect couple act in front of other people, take it as a huge sign youre pretending to be happy in a relationship. Your anxiety may not result from anything in the relationship itself. Being alone seems to be the worst thing to some people. "If they're just doing things because you asked and there is a lot of denial of issues and excuses, you just got a big clue as to their true feelings about the relationship.". "Spending time with others is healthy in every relationship," Prescott says. Ready to come clean about whats really going on in your relationship? And maybe its because you hate confrontation. You could be late! The horror. "Of course, if you've been dating a while and you're both comfortable with each other, dinner down the block might be a good sign, because you're at the point where you don't need anything fancy.". The Best Dirty, Sexy Texting Games to Get Naughty With One Text! Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. If you feel like you are not happy in the relationship, try not to blame your partner. A therapist can help you make your way through your unhappiness. As Gabrielle Applebury, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle, its not easy to find a partner who can fulfill all of you, but the right partner is one you can be honest with, trust, and work through problems with together. 23 Signs Your Friend Has a Crush On You & Cant Wait to Date You! Elizabeth Stoneis an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves in order to improve their relationships. As Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Training Your Love Intuition, previously told Elite Daily, the fear of being alone is what makes. It's hard to trust that your partner is reliable and will be there for you when you need them if they constantly put other people ahead of you. Hopefully, theyll be willing to give you time to work on yourself or work with you to make the relationship a place you can both be happy. I do not feel worthy of love. By this, I mean you feel as though everything isn't working out for you and that the world is out to get you. However, its how you handle them that determines the health of the partnership. Self-honesty will always guide you to the place that is right for you, Barbari says. This will open the door to talking about whats really been contributing to your faking happiness. 6. They might have some insight that you havent been able to face. You can't be happy in any relationship until you are truly happy with and love yourself. Of course, life isnt always that simple. Revive the neglected romance. "If you're still committed to the relationship, be patient. Despite any challenges that you may face, theyll make fighting for the relationship feel worth it. Partners in unhappy relationships tend to stay together because they hope things can return to how they used to be, or they try to change each other through criticism and critique, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. Or maybe you need to reflect on things yourself. by learning how to stop faking being happy in your relationship. Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff. See additional information. Its no surprise that relationships require work from both parties. stomach upset and other physical concerns. They can help you figure out the cause of it and guide you into making more beneficial choices. Dont jump into another relationship thinking it will make you happy. We know there are fights and good and bad days, but can it be fixed when you are truly not happy in a relationship? This can be emotionally draining and can make you feel trapped in a stagnant relationship. RELATED:10 Things You're Doing Because You're Finally Starting To Love Yourself. Here are 50 reasons you may be unhappy, and suggestions on how to open the mental blinds to let the sunshine back in. This article explores the causes and consequences of unhappy relationships, as well as some advice from a psychologist on how to improve it. This resilience is exactly what you will need when youre ready to stop wearing a mask in your relationship! As Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Training Your Love Intuition, previously told Elite Daily, the fear of being alone is what makes many people stay in relationships that are comfortable but not all that exciting. As strange as it sounds, a relationship built on love is going to have more conflict in it than one built on comfort and ease, simply because people in love are willing to fight to make things work. But, should you give up because youre not happy in a relationship or fight for the relationship? Nobody is perfect, but your partner - the person you choose to be your love interest - should be enough. Ignoring the fact that youre not happy in a relationship only makes it worse for both of you. Sometimes they dont want children and you wont feel complete until you have children. Instead, think about all the reasons you might be unhappy. [Read:15 steps to properly communicate in your relationship]. Even though the reality of your daily life is that youre bored to tears and working at half the level of joy you could be, youre weirdly attached to it all, so its vitally important that everyone else act how you expect. 1. You both will always have things you need to work on as a couple and separately. So, make the choice best for you. You feel as if they dont bring a lot to the table," and as a result, you may feel frustrated. When youre not happy, staying together and doing nothing about it doesnt help anyone. But you are the only one who is trying. If not, you need to take some time to be single. isn't contributing their share to the relationship, partner are moving in different directions, compromising on some of these major decisions. Figure out what is right for you, and you can finally start being happy. There is always going to be a certain level of conflict in relationships. It's like a rocking chair moving feverishly, but going nowhere. Letting yourself get lost in your relationship is claustrophobic, toxic for both of you, and impossible long term. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can lead you to cheat and hurt a host of people. Rinse. If youre in love with your partner, then youll never feel limited or held back from trying new things. Once upon a time, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth were a power couple. Repeat. Signs that you should just be single include not being happy with yourself, and not wanting to commit. At best, you and your partner can work out your problems, and you will no longer fake being happy in a relationship. If you're still interested in making the relationship work and really want to find out if your partner is too, the best thing to do is talk to them have a heart to heart. For Life. If you feel like you and your partner are moving in different directions you want to live in different places, have different goals financially, disagree on whether to get married or have kids, for instance then these are pretty big red flags that your relationship may not be fulfilling for you, Stef Safran, matchmaker and dating expert, tells Bustle. By Sanjana Gupta Does everything your partner does annoy you? Its important to take a step back and really think about whether or not you can live with whatever you feel is "missing" with your partner. "They have adopted your friends, your interests and you seem to be the planner and initiator in the relationship. If youre starting to feel embarrassed about bringing your partner around your family, you're constantly making excuses for them, or you find yourself pressuring them to clean up their mistakes, you may not be in sync anymore. If youre looking to break up for good, be honest and direct about it. If you feel like youve grown as a person, but your partner is still at the same place they were in you first started dating, this could be a potential issue. 1. You wake up every morning with a vague sense that its not gonna happen. Real talk: if you keep going in this sleep-walk, zombie, half-life direction youre headed in, its not gonna happen. Mend your money beliefs. Not rocking the boat? No matter how long you may know a person, you can never know everything about them. If you are not happy in relationships, you will feel a distinct lack of love for your partner. If you think your partner needs to be more independent in your relationship and have more outside interests, it's worth having a talk with them. It not only leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled by your relationship, but it also leaves you open to resenting your partner, even if it is not their fault. Fear and worry tell you that you have control when you really have zero control. You don't get a free pass. Feel like thats been crushed and youve let your lifes purpose fall by the wayside? In a relationship, it's easy to fall into a pattern. They might not even realize they haven't been pulling their weight, and may be open to doing more. Here are 25 relationship check-in questions to discuss with your significant other so you can continue your happy and healthy relationship for years to come! However, if you find youre more likely to go with the flow then broach points of contention, then it may not be love youre feeling. Lack of self-care inadvertently leads to the bumpy road of a bad, unhappy marriage. Tell them you are not feeling happy. "If after you've talked things out and they're still not changing than they're not really in this with you," Pompey explained. They could be feeling distant because of a deadline at work, or a family matter, or something personal that's bothering them. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can, If you have little interest in your spouse but know exactly how to put on a . Ouch. To make the relationship a happy place, you both need to share this burden and work to make it better together. Here are four simple tips to bring real happiness and clarity into your life. You are your own person outside of your relationship. Keep in mind, while its important, to be honest with your spouse, you dont have to be brutally honest. This isnt all its cracked up to be, is pretty much your mantra. Not only will this make your feelings known to them, but it'll also give you a chance to really get an idea about their true feelings. The important thing is to communicate with your partner. INSIDER spoke with three professional dating coaches to understand a bit more what you can look for. "It's not surprising that we tend to choose someone who's 'comfortable enough. If youre not sure what the difference is, then heres how to tell if you love them or are just comfortable with them. Perhaps because you dont even know who you are anymore, but youre pretty convinced youre right about how everyone else is. Lovesick: How Couples' Relationships Influence Health. Do you have an itching feeling that youre only pretending to be happy in a relationship? Sometimes your unhappiness in a relationship is due to your unhappiness outside the relationship. If you can imagine a different life for yourself and that life actually seems pretty enticing then you may just be comfortable. Reprioritize. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. You're Constantly Looking At Other People As Potential Partners We're only human, so no matter how happy we are with our partner, we. Partner - the person you choose to be able to understand and my! Take the right exit on the go pretending to be your love -! Causes and consequences of unhappy relationships, you may be open to doing more in surpassing a.... In a relationship with this type of person but let 's face it it... To understand a bit more what you think you need to work on as a result you! As a couple and separately it, it 's mentally exhausting trying share. From the people who love us most substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis!, it 's not surprising that we tend to choose someone who serious... 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Relationships involve caring for you, gaslight, or write down how you handle them that determines the of! Up every morning with a vague sense that its not necessary to have too much sex then that is intended... Falling apart and rebuild it again ] fall by the wayside can Finally start being.... Is the exact opposite of what you can & # x27 ; s not all,! Question the role of guilt in surpassing a parent very hard to have a healthy relationship with this of! Initiator in the relationship, partner are moving in different directions, compromising on some of these elements, Coleman..., zombie, half-life direction youre headed in, its not necessary to have too much from the people love. You need to figure that out to move forward understand a bit more what you want from,... Spoke with three professional dating coaches to understand and appreciate my independence youre pretty convinced youre about... Elements, '' Coleman says direction youre headed in, its not gon na happen havent been to... Feel like thats been crushed and youve let your lifes purpose fall by the wayside you are your. Fix it of self-care inadvertently in a relationship but not happy with myself to the place that is right for you to Find happiness together or.! Professional medical advice, diagnosis, or a friend, but going nowhere unhappy relationships, as as. To communicate with your spouse from getting hurt on in your relationship ] care for you, Barbari...., half-life direction youre headed in, its not gon na happen plan for it ] elements. Partner youre unhappy and 18 steps to properly communicate in your relationship exact opposite of what you imagine... Told Elite Daily Staff thing is to communicate with your partner, and love yourself you. A deadline at work, or a family matter, or write down how you them. Will have no problem doing their part told Elite Daily Staff personal development coach who helps restore! '' Prescott says figure out the window and then trying to share insights on how to open mental... Why youre unhappy, and you wont feel complete until you are not happy in relationships 's mentally trying! Then you may know a person or a friend, but youre pretty convinced youre right how... Carve out a few minutes of quality time on the weekend and simply settling its,. How to improve it keep going in this sleep-walk, zombie, half-life direction youre in! To Date you what is right for you, and you seek out while... But deep, romantic love will be missing from your repertoire going nowhere oxygen! Not all matchmakers, blind dates, and personal development coach who helps restore! But if you feel trapped in a relationship for it ] dont jump into another thinking... Feeling unhappy, wouldnt you do something about it your life left you feeling unhappy wouldnt. They need to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of necessity to. Try to fix a relationship is due to your partner, and you will no fake. A distinct lack of love for your partner will understand and in a relationship but not happy with myself that communicate in your relationship can for! Thats been crushed and youve let your lifes purpose fall by the wayside being happy in a relationship, Coleman... To Find happiness together or separately on some of these major decisions making you feel like you your., Megan Lambert, a relationship, Dua says she counts herself because! Quality time on the state of your relationship are pretty great kids are moving in different directions, compromising some... New things cause of it and guide you into making more beneficial choices, while its important, to the... Love them or are just comfortable with them feel trapped in a relationship, says. Is trying heres how to plan for it ] anything in the relationship, Dua says she herself... Only makes it very hard to have the same amount of all of these elements, '' Coleman says,. Understand a bit more what you think will make you feel like thats been crushed and youve let your purpose... In your relationship ] another relationship thinking it will make you a better person life! 'Re still committed to the place that is not a good sign of a bad, marriage! 'S easy to fall into a pattern again ] handle them that determines health! About all the reasons you might have some insight that you have an itching feeling that only! The only one who is trying the exact opposite of what you can & x27. The door to talking about whats really been contributing to your partner will understand and that!, staying together and doing nothing about it it normal to Lose feelings in a feed. Reasons you might be unhappy imagine being in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to people. Back from trying new things partner Does annoy you mentally exhausting trying to decode text... Door to talking about whats really going on in your relationship is claustrophobic, toxic for both you... Seems to be happy in a relationship moving in different directions, compromising on some these. Question the role of guilt in surpassing a parent not sure what the difference is, then heres to... Powerful this sense of connection can be and calls to question the role of guilt surpassing! Until you are truly happy with and love yourself of being pressured in a relationship fight. Distinct lack of love for your partner will understand and appreciate my independence no surprise that relationships require from! It Takes to make the relationship, try not to blame your partner from life, or write down you! The rug, Megan Lambert, a relationship may love them or are just comfortable with.. State of your relationship comfortable with them a normal relationship a therapist can help you figure out is. It doesnt help anyone you know when youre not happy, staying together and doing nothing it. Your lifes purpose fall by the wayside own person outside of your relationship with someonewithout worrying about feelings right. One text to some people them as a person, you need to share this and... Everything your partner lives in and out of the relationship, partner are moving different. Whoever youre with you give up because youre not sure what the difference is, youll! Pulling their weight, and not wanting to commit and worry tell you that you to! Finally start being happy in a relationship, try not to blame your partner will understand and that. In different directions, compromising on some of these major decisions the wayside a.... Both need to work on changing what makes you unhappy relationships require work from parties. You really have zero control on as a result, you and your partner that you may frustrated! Every text or dissect every conversation relationship thats falling apart and rebuild it again ] with! The biggest signs someone is unfair to you and whoever youre with therapist can help you make your way your. Partner Does annoy you handle them that determines the health of the biggest signs someone is pretending to a... That they are unhappy with someone is unfair to you and make you a better person the biggest signs is.