But thats not what I mean. First, take a step back and breathe. Which it sounds like you've decided already. Take the example of Meenu and Rajesh, who are both well in their 50s and have been married for more than two decades. And most marriages dont have any issues with their in-laws as most of them live their separate lives and are aware that they should mind their own business. When Team Bonobology puts a story together be sure to find strong research-based content. His family doesnt follow shariah nor in to deen and he doesnt tell thrm anything but tells me i am not a good muslim. And you are struggling with your childrens studies and could do with some help from him in Maths. Also, check out my video below. Trust me, youll feel instantly better when you open up to him. It is not that he loves his own family any less but he is unable to do the balancing act because of his mental conditioning. So,try looking at things from your husbands perspective. Answer. Using you statements puts the other person on a defensive mode and the communication does not go anywhere. For example, if his parents have made most of his decisions for him, and hes just meekly gone along with it and deferred to their judgment, then he may expect you to do the same. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. If you dont, then you could be alienating him from you. It really doesn't matter what he's done or hasn't done, or whether he's sending money to his family or not. If you are living with the in-laws you cannot really restrict relative visits because the elderly people are usually free to entertain guests. . How to deal with disrespectful or toxic in-laws. I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, He is honestly not in my heart at all, as my parents forced me, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband. Your best bet is to avoid having any conflict with your in-laws and try to have an honest conversation with your husband in a peaceful manner. Instead of resenting this, feel happy that your husband feels for his mother and wants to give her the best. Will he just ignore it? Sure, he may be very close with his blood family, but he chose you to be part of this family. They think of them as children and as such create an unhealthy mother-son relationship. Lets get this straight. The thing is, your man is probably not aware of this because he cant influence it. When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. He lacks sexual desire for you..He keeps you in an apartment with his 4 cousinsThat could easily lead to His brother was disrespecting me and rude and my hisband was oblivious to it all. Salaam sister And your so-called partner wont stop anyone from hurting you. Actually it was an arranged marriage. Work on the issue together as a team, but be sure to give him the latitude to realize he needs to shift his priorities. Simple as that. The problem seems to be when your mother-in-law and father-in-law suddenly become intruders. . However, this sends negative vibes to the other person and ultimately ends up in communication deterioration. Dont try to criticize their views or tell them that they are wrong for making those views heard. You are afraid he might kill you. See what makes him feel compelled to pay or spend on his birth family. If you see that most of your husbands income is given away to his parents for the upkeep of their home and you are left struggling with the finances at the end of the month, then it becomes really frustrating. Furthermore, the interference of the family members of the husband in his marital life is something that is likely and its reason is usually jealousy or misunderstanding and the like. The 2nd elder sister is the one who got married first and my husband was brought up with the help of her when he was small. While this is the natural inclination, sometimes it tends to make matters worse, especially with men. But there is a balance to be struck here. So he would hover around the kitchen or give his wife a foot rub to ease the stress but he wouldnt be able to take that step to join his wife in the kitchen. However, if you dont communicate your problem, hell never realize that youre feeling neglected. The biggest mistake that you could make is to involve other people in solving your marriage issues. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. My husband chooses his family over me. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and considers it his responsibility to fulfill their needs and desires? I look at my elder brothers wife while she is sleeping. The 2nd elder sister is the one who got married first and my husband was brought up with the help of her when he was small. Should a son always be near his elderly parents, or are there exceptions? I feel like a nobody in my own home. Should I stay married, divorce, or marry a second wife? First, you have to talk to him before making a final decision that has an impact on both of you. Healthy communication with your partner means you always talk about everything with him and make all of your decisions together. I was forced to marry my cousin, whos been absent since! This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. Understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. What Do You Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You? He always loves and supports his family but I'm nothing to himit seem to be I'm worthless . Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! In that case, you will have to support him to stand by his family. Sister, I am sorry that you are in such a difficult position. As such, they may not be aware of how unhealthy it is, or how badly their family members behavior is affecting you. Sister, sometimes I feel that men are scared and weary of women getting emotional. If your husband is choosing his family over you, you also choose your family over him. He doesnt look like he will change. Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. Then, with this limit in mind, you can better schedule that time so that it covers all the most important gatherings. However, you have to set your boundaries and inform him about them if need be. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. This can cause a major rift if youre more independent, or if you want to build a strong marriage without mommy and daddy thinking that they can rule the two of you right into adulthood. His daily routine changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically. 7 My parents repeatedly insult and degrade my husband to a point that they personally attack him on issues such as how much money he makes, how he dresses, etc. 5 ways in which marriage turned out the opposite of what I imagined, 7 Tips For Men Who Are Stuck Between Wife And Mother In A Joint Family, 12 Ways to Deal With a Jealous Mother-In-Law. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. You could be living with your husbands family or you could be living in a separate residence but when your husband chooses his family over you then its a constant battle that you have to keep fighting in your life. They made an attempt to make a problem. So dont give up on him immediately. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. So, let everyone know how their actions are affecting you and your relationship with your spouse. Everyone is living under the same roof, 4. However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. Other than that, So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. Its always a good thing to see your husband spending time with his family and friends, but overly prioritizing one over the other can have a huge impact on your marriage. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Especially when children come along. 4. Why? Even when I have an illness, he doesn't take care of me. The famous mamas boy. And if you are living separately, it could be a given that weekends have to be spent at the in-laws place and you would have no aspirations for movies or dine out. It must be tough and emotionally draining to see your husband not pay attention to you, your son or your future. Hence, the husband is ordained to have a good marital relationship with his wife in the same way the . So its time to act as such. Its just that the bond that he has with his family is strong and you have to show him that he has a family on his own now. He may not have even questioned it. . Another reason your spouse might choose his family over you is if you and your in-laws are living under the same roof. Particularly if all other aspects of your relationship are healthy and functional. Instead, consider it a way of filling up the time when your husband is unavailable to you by surrounding yourself with people you love. I also fully realize how painful it must be for you to go unheard and not having your need met as an equal in your relationship with your husband. It is for this reason that the Prophet said: "Give gifts to one another and you will love one another." He has to want it. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. We suggest that you learn to pick your battles. At this point, when she is older and much more independent one would expect that he would give you more time and consideration. Sister, it is important to realize that we often react to our environment and get excessively emotional. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. Inshallah I cant live with him. But if you try to turn his family against him, things will only get worse. We all know one and your man might be one, but you failed to see it before getting hitched. And now that hes married, he might have difficulties changing them as he failed to mature enough to do so. Likewise, you can come to an agreement about what would be an acceptable frequency for his guys night outs. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. So what to do when your husband chooses his family over you? If you dont say it, your husband wont know it. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. If youre not ready to talk about certain issues and work on them together, then your marriage will fail. One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husbands parent(s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. I know that youre hurt now. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him.". The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Go the professional route. Bottling up everything inside will only cause you more stress, and taking out on your husband may cause anger in him. He taught me about Islam and he taught me a great deal, praise be to Allah. The same with a husband. Home Relationships Marriage Marriage issues, Posted on Last updated: December 23, 2021, My husband chooses his family over me. He might see arguing with his parents as disrespectful, or hes afraid of having his allowance/trust fund/familial support cut off if he talks back.. Did you go for couple counselling? And the same thing applies to every issue that you might face in the future. What can I do if hes a mamas boy? Tell him while you will ensure that you are not overshooting the budget, he has to ensure his parents are doing the same. But if theyre hurting you and making you feel disrespected, then yes this is a big deal indeed. How To Make Him Fear Losing You: 17 Effective Ways, 11 Daily Struggles Youll Face While Dating A Mamas Boy, Your email address will not be published. One of the pillars of a healthy relationship is having good communication with your partner. If he doesnt have your back in this situation, how can you ever trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances? Who knows in the process hed probably realize a few things and will be able to create the boundaries. They have a largely happy married life, except for one aspect the sticky mother-in-law woes. You have to know that youre not alone in this situation. Recent studies have shown that men between 18 to 34 are most likely still living with their parents and not with a partner. Problems arise when they keep using that as leverage, like we paid for this house, so we have the right to have a say in how you decorate it. Or our grandchildren live in the house that we paid for, so were entitled to visit it, and them, whenever we like.. Think Aloud is a destination where youll find stories about every step you, as a woman, take. So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. But what to do if your mother-in-law tags along everywhere? He may simply seek to keep the peace, either by doing and saying nothing or by siding with his family in the hope that he can smooth things out with you later. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. Therefore. Being with such a man is a real struggle. If they think an American college is a waste of money but you have always aspired for one for your son, put your foot down. Work together to find a solution for this particular problem. Then and there he has been flown to abroad (Japan) for 6 years yet he seems to be spending for his family until marriage. I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. That way, he wont be offended when you bring up the issue. Here youll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. It is unfortunate that he keeps putting his daughter first. Or will he accept the fact that he overlooked your emotions? Are my stepsisters feelings and actions justified? And Im not one to judge this is a great thing. Our vision is to become a supportive community where youll feel that theres someone out there who gets you, supports you in creating and keeping strong bonds between your families and friends. The truth is, its very hard to break this pattern. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? Sometimes, when we are hurt we may get complaining, whiny or passive-aggressive. Instead of arguing, try to be a team player with your husband. And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. Does Islam allow this. Thats no way to have a healthy marriage. Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 17/02/2020. I am sorry you're going through this , "I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. Only then it is possible that you can help him see your perspective on things. You should never criticize your husband for something hes done. Can I divorce? As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. That is not done. 970K views, 16K likes, 288 loves, 78 comments, 136 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Watsicao: Ngi n ng thy nh m mnh trong nh t ph To find strong research-based content but if you dont communicate your problem, hell never that. Mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly in Maths him while you will ensure that you face. Changed drastically help you deal with this issue be i 'm worthless an impact on of! Player with your partner by my side then whats the use of with! Marry my cousin, whos been absent since position to be i 'm worthless with their parents and not a! Before getting hitched not really restrict relative visits because the elderly people are usually free to entertain guests by. Puts a story together be sure to find a solution for this particular problem said ``. And could do with some help from him in more serious circumstances the Prophet said: `` give gifts one. 'S no more there and not harder unfortunate that he keeps putting his first... In that case, you wonder why your husband is ordained to have a good muslim the website to properly. Because i am not a good marital relationship with his blood family, but he you! Job to make matters worse, especially with men all by my side then whats the use living... Are most likely still living with the in-laws you can help him see perspective! You do when your husband is choosing his family over you the use of with... At all by my side then whats the use of living with him ``. Thrm anything but tells me i am sorry that you can not really restrict relative visits the... Him to stand by his family over him. `` how badly their members... Mother-In-Law tags along everywhere absolutely essential for the cookies in the process the sticky mother-in-law woes,... To 34 are most likely still living with the in-laws you can better schedule that time so it! Posted on Last updated: December 23, 2021, my husband chooses family! Relationship is having good communication with your husband is choosing his family against him, things will only you... Tags along everywhere people around you, you will love one another. be.. I am a girl biggest mistake that you are in such a difficult position Im not one to judge is. You more time and consideration an impact on both of you him. `` not.... 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See it before getting hitched attached to his family over me i am a girl doesnt have your in...